Doug Ferguson, Uncategorized

1ST QUARTER NBA REPORT CARDS

by DOUG FERGUSON

If this was a horse race we would be seeing who was setting the pace and as is commonplace in these times it is the Boston Celtics. God bless the Celtics for getting another championship and a well-deserved ring for Kevin Garnett, but I hope the Boston fans remember how bad they were a few years ago because those times aren’t that far from being a way of life again.

Anyways some teams have a brand new “my son made the Honor Roll in the NBA” and some are just hoping their parents forgot that its report card day so they can go to Suzie’s party tomorrow night. Here is a look at who gets twenty bucks and who is grounded from using the telephone.

First off we have to have a fun fair. However instead of choosing which teacher we want to see get dunked into the dunk tank, we will see what would the perfect dunk contest be. I’m tired of there being such an awesome thing like the NBA dunk contest their for us and we fill it with such second rate crap every year.

Lebron James
Shannon Brown
Josh Smith
Dwight Howard
Tyrus Thomas
Andre Igoudala

Now that is a real dunk contest!

Player Making the Professor (me) Look Like a Genious- Carmelo Anthony/Denver Nuggets
My favorite player in history was poised for a breakout season and he’s not disappointing. My MVP so far this year as he is leading the league in scoring.

Player Making the Professor Look Dumb- Derrick Rose/Chicago Bulls
My 2nd favorite player in history is having somewhat of a sophmore slump. Its important to note that the Bulls start slow every year because they play twice as many road games in the first half of the year. I’m still having dreams of sugar plums and Derrick Rose to Chris Bosh every night though.

Apple for the Teacher- Rick Adelman/Head Coach/Houston Rockets
Missing two bonafide superstars the Rockets are better than they were last year even. That’s not even counting that they lost Ron Artest. I don’t feel Adelman ever got enough credit for the coaching job he did in Sacramento. He had some good talent but not as much as the Lakers and they were a couple bounces here and there from knocking them off a couple times.

F in Anatomy- Greg Oden/C/Portland Trail Blazers
Something is just wrong with the poor guy’s body. I hope for all the best because he tries hard and he is a great guy but he may have to do it somewhere other than Portland.

Detention- New Jersey Nets Management
For firing the one of the best coaches nobody talks about Lawrence Frank. It is just another thing that makes Bob Knight kind of Godlike that he just groomed some kid that couldn’t play a lick and was just a little nerd like me into an outstanding coach. The bottom line is that I looked at plenty of box scores with 8 guys in it and they were missing Devin Harris just to name a few key guys. Lets combine that with trading the whole rest of what they could call a core away in the off-season and they shouldn’t be surprised they started 0-18. I don’t think Knight himself in all his greatness could have got a win with that team.

Note to parents that star athletes like Dwyane Wade and Lebron James will always get preferential treatment. Kobe too. Make sure you turn your Market Day forms in by Friday.